Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
