apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
