Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
