bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
