my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
