Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
