I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
