my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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