Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
