Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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