I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How does it feel to date your dad?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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