I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
