i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Someone signed my nipple.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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