i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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