I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
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I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize