Little spoons don't ask big questions
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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