peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
