There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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