i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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