yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life