I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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