now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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