i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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