No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
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I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.