Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?