Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
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