Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
