Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
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He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
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I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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