He had one of those small greek statue penises
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
