i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
