Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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