Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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