If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
