she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
