Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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