I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
