I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
