So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize