i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I love having hate sex.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
