We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
