Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
