i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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