i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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