I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
