i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize