i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
