ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
