I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
