the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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