My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
