I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
