I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize