dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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