SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
