is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
