your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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