I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
