my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
