If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
