brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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