so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
