Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
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Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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