i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
