You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize