walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
