Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
