running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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