I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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