She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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