he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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