Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
