Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
