Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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