i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
