Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
