Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
