how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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